ELUCIDATING THE MEANING OF GOD’S WORD
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…where lost sheep may seek refuge from the harsh elements… |
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…and find a safe and secure seat at the Lord’s table! |
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“But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy,
filthy communication out of your mouth.
Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds…”
Colossians 3:8
FURTHER SUBMISSION GUIDELINES
CAUTION: OBSCENE VOCABULARY AHEAD
STOP AND THINK:
Why do people use foul language?
What are they trying to convey?
How does the message affect your spirit?
How does it impact the spiritual welfare of others?
Dirty words may be spelled with one or more letters replaced by dashes or hyphens, as in the ubiquitous f— and sh—. Naturally these must be used sparingly so as not to clog the narrative with distracting vulgarity.
Fart, poo, poop, and poo-poo may be used in some contexts if absolutely necessary for the tone intended. Similarly, ass may refer to someone ignorant or stubborn (e.g., you behaved like a total ass last night), but its homonym (originally arse), despite its prevalence in popular media to denote backside or (even worse) anus, should appear only in the crudest of contexts, its common sense of self lying buried at the bottom of the heap of foul language (get your ass in gear). Dumbass, silly ass, and shitass are also taboo, though stupid ass and stupid-assed are marginally permissible. Asshole and its Commonwealth English variant arsehole, describe people and are taboo, along with the related terms ape shit, ass crack, bugger, bullshit, chicken shit, cornhole, dog shit, hog shit, horseshit, shit, shite, shitfaced, shitter, and shitty. Bull, bum, butt, crap, fanny (in this sense), and tuches (or toches, which should be spelled in a manner consistent with the original Hebrew word תַּחַת, tachath, which appears throughout the Bible in a variety of senses) are acceptable in colloquial usage, though bumhole and butthole should be avoided wherever possible. The euphemisms behind, buns, derrière, hindquarters, hiney, keister, posterior, rear, rump, tail, and tush are no longer considered vulgar. For the anus, hole is permissible, but just barely. Peehole, pisshole, and piss slit are marginally acceptable in the proper (typically coarse) contexts for the technical term meatus.
Among vulgarisms for the penis (member or privy member in the KJV), the words bird, bone, chopper, cock, dick, dong, johnson, joystick, knob, love muscle, pecker, peter, poker, prick, prod, prodder, pud (though pudenda is acceptable), rod, tallywhacker, sword, tadger, wang, whang, wick, winkle are all taboo; dagger, dingaling, dingdong, doodad, hardness (especially when felt but not seen), male member, maleness, manhood, membrum virile, organ, phallus (when applicable), pickle, pole, schlong (a Yiddishism meaning serpent), sex, snake, stake, teeter, thang, thing, unit, viper, wee-wee, willie or willy, and worm are acceptable. The penis may be called he and him or given a name like Archie or Bob.
For the testicles, stones in the KJV, balls is marginally acceptable while sac is preferred and bollocks (in that sense) and nuts are out entirely. Nuts may be used to mean “crazy,” while family jewels, nutty buddies, and the boys are all marginally permissible.
For vagina and vulva, the words bearded clam, beaver, box, bush, cooch, coochie, cooze, cunt, fanny (in this sense), fish, fur pie, gash, hair pie, kitty, minge, muff, muffin, nookie, papaya, penis fly-trap, puss, pussy, quaint, quim, schooner, shellfish, slice, snatch, snatcheroo, snitch, snootchy, tuna, twat, vadge, vag, vajayjay, and wound are forbidden for the most part, while bits, chamber of secrets, crack, cranny, crevice, doohickey, down there, downstairs, envelope, flower, fluff, fluffy, fur slipper, garden, garden of Eden, hole, holy of holies, holy place, inkwell, inner sanctum, little precious, lotus, man trap, mound, nook, part, pomegranate, precious, private part, purse, rosebud, sex, shame, silk, silk purse, silken chamber, slit, softness, temple, thing, thingy, trap, and yoni are all permissible, as always depending on the context. It may be called she and her or given a name like Buffy or Rose. Though suggestive, rosebud is permissible.
For male masturbation, wank is permissible, but barely so, while abuse oneself, bait one’s hook, bang (or bash or beat) the bishop, beat off, beat one’s meat, bring out the babymakers, buff one’s banana, celebrate Palm Sunday (which is blasphemous), choke one’s chicken, dribble the ball, drill for oil, fire a missile, flog one’s log, free the tadpoles, go blind, grease one’s pole, jack off, jack the beanstalk, jerk off, jerk one’s gherkin, liquidate the inventory, make soup, paint one’s pole, play five on (or against) one, play pocket pool, polish one’s knob, polish one’s rocket, rub one out, shellac the shillelagh, shine one’s helmet, spank the frank, spank the monkey, spew the goo, stroke it, tickle one’s pickle, tug the slug, and yank one’s crank all ridicule the experience, and should be used with caution, if at all. We prefer bring Cyclops to tears, check the (seminal) vesicles, deliver a monologue, disseminate, do a brief solo, dot the i, exercise the prostate, extract seed or semen, fap, fly solo, give oneself a hand, reduce swelling, rotate the drive head, strive or struggle or wrestle with the serpent, tap (into) one’s (full) potential, trigger an eruption, and turn on the sprinklers.
For female masturbation, avoid beat around the bush, beat the batter, beat the beaver, butter one’s muffin, clit (as a verb), feed one’s slot, finger oneself, grease one’s gash, hit the slit, Jill off, make my girl happy, ring the devil’s doorbell, stretch the truth, and tiptoe though (or water) the two lips in favor of arrange (or rearrange) the flowers, caress the clam, clean the bean, diddle, do one’s own nails, douse the digits, explore oneself, explore the oyster, feel good vibrations, find (or exercise) one’s G spot, finish the job, fish for pearls, gratify oneself, have a ménage à moi, improvise as needed, mind the gap, orbit Venus, pet the kitty, polish one’s pelvic floor, press all the right buttons, push the button, ring the joy buzzer, rub one’s nub, spin a record, stew in one’s own juices, and strum the banjo or harp. Both sexes may use bop, bring oneself to orgasm or climax, come unscrewed, do a small load of laundry, do it oneself, explore one’s nether regions or lower depths, play with oneself, practice safe sex (alone), relieve pressure, scratch an itch, stimulate oneself, tease oneself (especially if the act stops short of orgasm), and touch oneself (intimately).
For reaching orgasm generally we find the common colloquialism get off particularly vulgar, along with bust a nut and cream. Using orgasm as a verb is similarly crude. Come is marginally acceptable, but its vile nominal form cum is taboo. Seed (from the KJV) and its Latin equivalent semen are preferred to the much coarser jism (also spelled jissom and jizzum), jizz, load, nut, spunk, and wad, while the more unisex essence and goo are admissible. Spunk may be used to mean courage. Accomplished authors should be able to provide readers with more vivid and original descriptions than these.
Note that the Bible makes no clear reference to masturbation, and the exact phrase “bring forth seed in vain” doesn’t occur at all. Leviticus 26:15-16 comes closest (“if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant: I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it”), but is a reference to idolatry. The “lasciviousness” mentioned in Galatians 5:19 may include masturbation, but most contemporary Bible scholars wouldn’t agree. The practice is not forbidden outright. The patriarch Judah’s son Onan famously “spilled [his seed] on the ground” and was slain by God (Genesis 38:9-10), but Onan’s sin lay not in masturbating per se but instead in violating a marital obligation to impregnate his brother’s widow. The terms onanism and the sin of Onan should therefore not be used as synonyms for ordinary masturbation, only for masturbation that follows coitus interruptus. Because masturbation was once believed to waste a vital essence, it was forbidden in the Babylonian Talmud (Niddah 13a), in which “bringing forth seed in vain” is an established Hebraism. As such it is generally permissible, though somewhat overly judgmental, expression in our publications.
Moving at last beyond the nether regions, the breasts (sometimes paps in the KJV) should not be objectified with terms like apples, baps, big mamas, boobage, bubbles, bubs, buds, cantaloupes, chichis, coconuts, funbags, funballs, gazongas, grapefruits, hooters, jugs, knockers, lady lumps, maracas, megaboobs, melons, microboobs, norks, a rack, a stack, sweater puppies, tangerines, taters, tater tots, titbits (though tidbits is possible), tomatoes, udders, and watermelons. Though none of these is terribly vulgar by itself, we prefer the subtler variants bazooms, beach balls, boobs, bosom or bosoms, bristols, bust, cleavage, the (or my) girls, headlights, mammaries, mounds, a pair, pillows, a shelf, tatas, teats (KJV Ezekiel 23:3), tips, titties, tits, and the twins. Men’s breasts may be called bongos, manboobs, moobs, and pecs depending on their specific qualities.
Bitch moved into the media mainstream decades ago but remains vulgar and offensive to many. Use it only in its literal sense or risk alienating readers. Son of a bitch is also still taboo. Other objectionable terms used to objectify and disparage women include alley cat, baggage, between-meal snack, bimbo, chippy, cock tease, dog, eager beaver, easy lay, easy piece, floozy, girl (depending on the context), hag, hussy, leavings, leftovers, lunchtime snack, maneater, old bag, prick tease, pushover, piece of trash, real piece, scraps, sex kitten, sexpot, skirt, slag, slam dunk, slut, stray (cat), tart, tomato, trollop, and vampirella (except in a literal sense). Instead use bedbug, best of Babylon, biddy, bird, bit of fluff, call girl, chick, cow, crow, dame, fox, foxy lady, harpy, hen, lady of the evening, libertine, pro, sheila, streetwalker, tramp, vixen (but not super- or ulravixen, terms used in pornographic films), wanton, wench, and working girl.
The wicked and worldly among speakers and writers depict the sexual act, which the Lord intended to be holy (Genesis 1:28 and Hebrews 11:4), with the vulgar verbs aardvark, answer the big question, ball, bang, bareback, beat the rug, bed, boff, boink, bonk, breed, bump, bump nasties, bury the bone, creak the bed, dip (one’s wick), do the dirty or nasty, drill, eat at home, exchange bodily fluids, feed the kitty, freak, frighten the chipmunks, get lucky, get down, get (oneself) some (often plus various vulgar nouns), give it up, go to town, hammer, hit it, hook up (with someone), hump, jazz, jump someone’s bones, knock boots, lay, lay pipe, lock crotches, nail, plow, pork, pound, put out, score, screw, scrub, shuck the oyster, smash, spear, storm the cotton gin, stuff, and woohoo, while the more spiritually minded opt for the more refined equivalents be intimate (with someone), bisect the triangle, come or go in unto someone (KJV), commit adultery (in context), consummate, copulate, couple, dine in, do it, engage, fornicate, get busy, get down to business, get it on, go to bed (together or with someone), have one’s way with someone, have relations (with someone), have sex, hit a home run, know (in the Biblical sense, as in the KJV), lie (down) together or with someone, make love, make whoopee, mate (with someone), penetrate, possess, reach home base, rut, shag, shtup (a Yiddishism), sleep together or with someone, and take.
Nouns include the seamy 69 (a specific sexual act), bedroom rodeo, the big bang, the big event, booty call, bump and grind, bumper cars, dog style (a specific sex position), the funky monkey, gang bang (a specific sex act), legover, lunch meat, nookie, one-night stand, quickie, rumpy-pumpy, salami sandwich, sins of the flesh, tight delight, and wild thing; and on the more dignified side of the coin act of love, acts, the body bond, carnal knowledge, coition, coitus, congress, connection, consortium, copulation, domestic duties, fleshly indulgence, hanky panky, the horizontal tango, insertion, intercourse, intimacy, intimate connection, intimate embrace, intromission, lovemaking, marital responsibilities, the other, outercourse, pairing, parallel parking, physical love, procreation, relations, a roll in the hay, sex(ual) acts, sex play, sex(ual) practices, shag, slap and tickle, sport, and union.
Though unquestionably versatile, the vile f-word, along with its many semi-euphemistic variants like foke, fook, fork, frack, frag, frake, frick, frickle, frig, friggle, fub, f-ckle, fug, and fuggle are utterly taboo (except in quotations of vulgar language). That includes all its derivative forms, down to motherf—er. Fudge, fugue, and fup, may be permissible in an appropriately whimsical context.
Note that the French equivalents for many obscene words in English are permissible if italicized and left untranslated, thus bâtard, bite, chatte, con, connerie, coucher, couille, cul, fille de joie, garce, merde, nichon, la petite mort, putain, queue, salaud, salope, and se branler. Exceptions include foutre, souffler (except in its literal sense), all ethnic and racial epithets, and any religious slang stronger than sacré bleu, which is now obsolete.
And do, we’re not going to tell you what any of these words mean.
Overt descriptions of sexual acts should be avoided. Suggest sexual activity subtly when the plot or theme demands it, but always leave the nitty-gritty details to the reader’s imagination. When actual copulation begins, zoom out rather than in, and blur the images accordingly. Keep the spiritual importance of the sex act – from initial pair bonding to the intergenerational transmission of tried-and-true family values – uppermost in your mind when you contemplate portraying even a marginally sexual event in your narrative. How does God feel about this activity? How will He demonstrate His feelings, and how soon? What physical, emotional, and above all spiritual consequences will ensue over time? How will these change the interactions between your characters?
Depictions of sexual activity that may be construed as exploitative in any way – such as adultery (even if it’s in any way understood as “consensual”), anal sex, BDSM (bondage and discipline, with or without sadomasochism), bestiality, body worship, coprophilia, endless engagements, exhibitionism, fetishism (as with fur, latex, leather, or rubber), frottage, group sex, incest, loveless marriage (including marriages for money, marriages in name only, and marriages of convenience), mail-order marriage, mate-swapping, necrophilia, pedophilia, pornography, premarital sex (formerly known as fornication), prostitution (in any form, including pimping or whoremongering), rape, sexting, sexual abuse, sexual dysfunctions, sexual harassment, sexual incompatibility, sexual play with body fluids (including enemas), sexual shaming, and voyeurism – should be avoided, except perhaps in recollections of sin. Repenthouse makes allowances for interfaith, intergenerational, and interracial marriage (as long as both partners are consenting adults), along with masturbation and oral sex (as long as they are mutually satisfying). We have furthermore accepted the reality of sexual orientation and gender identity (including bisexuality and gender fluidity). We harbor some reservations about interethnic and international marriages in which the partners don’t speak the same language. How can such couples build a family together? It’s certainly been done, but is it practical? If so, is it ideal for all parties involved? Whether or not God created human sexuality exclusively for the purpose or procreation, as many maintain to this day, the unity and sanctity of the family thoroughly depend on it, even in this age of artificial conception and nearly ubiquitous birth control.
If you sincerely believe, however, that God condones or sometimes even blesses the potentially predatory sexual practices shown in red above (and wish to publish your opinions with us), be prepared to defend your position from Scripture.
Don’t forget the specters of impotence, hyposexuality (once known as frigidity in women, though men may exhibit inhibited sexual desire as well), dyspareunia, and asexuality that haunt (or prevent) some marriages. Are the sexless any more virtuous than the insatiable? How should True Believers tackle the problem of inordinate sexual desire? Are we ever allowed to hire a surrogate – or does that always constitute adultery? What if you can’t stop loving someone who’s dead even after you’ve married someone else who doesn’t bring you the same heights of contentment, either sexually or otherwise? What did Jesus mean when He taught, “in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven” (Matthew 22:30)? That all sexual activity ceases at the Pearly Gates? If God created human sexuality for the purpose of procreation only, or even primarily, it may indeed not carry over into the afterlife.
GLBTQ or LGBTQ slang should be used in context and not in a deliberately defamatory way except perhaps in quotations and memoirs. Some of the more “vivid” expressions used to describe sexual acts are probably best avoided, especially if they’re being used to titillate or arouse the reader. The terms (for gay men) bent, cocksucker, crooked, fag, faggot, fairy cake, fruit, fruitcake, homo, homosexual, nancy, nancy boy, queen, sissy, sissy boy; (for lesbians) bull dyke, bulldagger, carpet muncher, clam bandit, clam digger, labia lapper, labia licker, lez, lezbo, lezzie or lezzy, muff diver, tuna taster; (for trans persons) shemale, t-boy, t-girl, and tranny are potentially offensive, while butch, fairy, femme, genderfluid, genderqueer, queer, versatile; dyke and vagitarian have been reclaimed, at least within their own contexts. French terms always have an air of elegance even when they verge on derogatory: pédé, gouine, and transgenre. The Spanish equivalents maricón and tortillera have been coopted into some communities, but may still be offensive in others.
These are topics we invite our authors to explore.
Finally, what does God think of so-called Christian erotica? Remember that He inspired the Song of Songs, which some critics have described as the most erotic and sensuous composition in all literature. But does that mean He wants to read a passage or two from Fanny Hill before bedtime to stimulate our fantasies? Somehow we doubt it, if for no other reason than that the book degrades women and sexuality in spots. We know a Pentecostal pastor who did that, although with far more salacious titles such as Fay’s Fabulous Fingers and Molly’s Magical Mouth. Doubts arose after his wife began an adulterous affair that eventually ended in divorce. Surely modern readers can do better than that anyway. But are True Believers ready for filth like Fifty Shades of Grey? God forbid! It involves sexual humiliation and degradation, consensual though it may be on the part of the (unmarried) participants. More restraint that its author exercises is clearly needed for readers who attain to righteousness.
But how does sanitized erotica differ from bittersweet romance? Very little, we suspect, though in the hands of a skilled author the thorniest of trees may indeed blossom with passionfruit. Whatever the text describes, the overall work, according to the author’s intent, must be spiritually edifying. We make that determination at our sole discretion. We don’t expect all writers to agree on virtually any topic, but we insist that they bring readers closer to God instead of luring them away with the same kind of temptation Satan uses to drag sinners down into hell. Our authors should emphasize how, with God’s help, temptation can be resisted and ultimately overcome. We must see life before, during, and above all after sin – when true redemption begins. Do True Believers develop an immunity to sin? If so, how does it work in the real world?
Repenthouse Publications
Prayer Box 2925
Antioch, CA 94531-2925
USA
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